Like anything, porn sex can be the fantasyland of many men – an escape to satisfy their sexual fantasies. However, like any fantasy it’s important to separate what one wants and what is seen.
Before viewing porn with your partner, discuss its purpose. Are you hoping to gain knowledge about various sexual positions, or gain insights into what turns them on?
1. It’s a fantasy
Sex should be enjoyed and appreciated, yet it can sometimes cause us to indulge in fantasies that may or may not be beneficial; some fantasies can cause anxiety while others provide an avenue for exploring your erotic desires.
One way to recognize a sexual fantasy is by noting visceral and intense feelings that you’ve never experienced before – such as anger, discomfort or sexual desire. Understanding these as part of your psyche rather than external factors will allow you to better recognize them when they arise.
Researchers have identified various categories of sexual fantasies, which can help shed light on what’s going on inside your mind. These include multi-partner sex such as group or threesomes; power, control or rough sex; novelty, adventure or variety sex; taboo or forbidden sex; partner sharing/nonmonogamy/passion romance/erotic flexibility such as homoeroticism or gender-bending sex
Not to be forgotten is that fantasies can provide an easy and fulfilling way for couples to bond together, by engaging in intimate role playing that can bring people closer.
Note that fantasies should always be shared with your partner; otherwise it could signal that there may be dissonance between you. Being honest about what interests you can only help your relationship; don’t keep secrets!
If your partner has ever expressed the desire to act out their sexual fantasies, it’s best to remain sensitive to their needs and wants. Take time to understand why they have these fantasies, as well as what that could mean for both of you as partners.
2. It’s a distraction
As with watching television or reading books, porn is often used as an outlet to relieve stress or boredom – unfortunately leading to an addiction cycle of bingeing on porn.
This can also be a source of difficulty if you’re trying to kick an addiction or break one. If you find yourself falling back into old patterns, take time to assess why this might be happening and try to understand what factors led to your dependence.
If you self-identify as a porn addict, chances are you’re having difficulties related to your libido and brain wiring. This connection between „cue, behavior and reward” is how habits form in our bodies.
Porn media sends signals to your rewards center, telling it to release a cocktail of chemicals that give a temporary high. This process is similar to how your brain responds when eating or exercising.
But there’s good news: changing how you view porn can help you stop using it for those reasons. Instead, focus on other activities that enhance yourself or benefit others instead.
Porn can also become a source of tension within relationships, especially if someone uses it to self-medicate or relieve their stress. If someone you’re dating uses porn to self-medicate or release stress, have an honest discussion about it immediately.
People using porn to self-medicate and relieve stress may engage in more frequent habits and display more problematic behaviors, including masturbation. This is especially prevalent when porn is being used to manage depression and other mental health conditions.
3. It’s a compulsion
Porn is an enjoyable form of entertainment for many individuals, and its accessibility and affordability make it easier than ever to access erotica. Unfortunately, however, for some it can become an addiction which negatively impacts their life and relationships.
Many suffer from hypersexuality or out of control sexual behavior (OCSB).
Valerie Voon, PhD is exploring whether compulsive porn use might be similar to drug or alcohol addiction in terms of its characteristics and impact on society. To do this, she uses MRI scans on individuals who struggle with controlling their porn consumption in order to measure brain changes caused by this problem.
Through her studies, she has discovered that those who consume porn exhibit similar brain activity patterns as those with substance abuse issues when viewing sexualized images; specifically a spike in P300 brain response levels when viewing such content.
Voon compares this phenomenon to how those suffering from substance abuse disorders experience an increase in blood pressure when exposed to images depicting drugs or alcohol, Voon states. While it remains to be seen if this comparison holds up over time, it certainly suggests that porn is an addictive behavior which needs to be managed as such.
People engaging in excessive porn use may benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT allows people to identify unhealthy beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthier alternatives, as well as learn to manage urges and cope in different situations more effectively, until eventually choosing actions in line with their most important values.
4. It’s a fetish
Fetishism refers to an obsessive sexual attraction or obsession for objects or body parts not usually considered sexually desirable, such as clothing items, height/weight features, body fluids (urine/menstrual blood), materials like leather/rubber or even aspects of BDSM practices.
Fetishes can be part of sexual experience for many people, yet can become problematic if their fixations interferes with relationships or causes distress to others. If someone in your life is experiencing extreme distress due to a fetish, it’s vital that they seek professional advice immediately.
Understanding your emotions surrounding any object of desire is the key to identifying whether you possess a fetish. According to Carol Queen, PhD of Good Vibrations, fetishes can be defined as sexual needs that make sexual enjoyment more pleasurable when they involve certain parts of your body such as feet or tattoos.
People with a foot fetish, for instance, can become sexually aroused by watching or touching another person’s feet and can enjoy sexual encounters when their partner wears heels. Other common fetishes include hair, muscles, tattoos, piercings and obesity fetishes.
Fetishes may begin as early as infancy, or perhaps later when sexual arousal becomes linked with certain objects. Why this happens is still unknown, although repeated exposure could make an object appear sexually appealing over time.
5. It’s a distraction
If you identify as a pornophile, it can be easy to feel like you have a problem. But taking a deeper look may reveal that your fascination with porn is in fact an escape from something much deeper and more serious – perhaps you’ve become addicted to masturbation or sexual encounters?
Understanding what triggers your porn addiction is key. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for orgasms and sexual climaxes, plays an enormous role in motivation to watch porn. Porn is an incredible source of dopamine hits.
Dopamine releases surges of dopamine when you watch porn, sending surges into your brain that keep you coming back for more and rewiring it to crave sexual experiences more frequently in the future.
An attraction of internet porn is its vast selection of sexual experiences to satisfy your craving for novelty. Think of it like having access to an unlimited supply of sexual experiences at any given moment – almost like a storehouse for sexual experiences you can choose from at any given moment!
As soon as you enter a sexual climax, your body produces endorphins – hormones which induce feelings of pleasure and well-being – giving an intense social experience, as well as becoming addictive for certain people. This explains why some find sexual encounters so compelling.
Good news is that most people do not experience problems with their libido and can even manage it successfully; less than one percent report having difficulty controlling sexual desire; only 1% or so indicate difficulties controlling sex behaviors including porn watching as being problematic.