Every person’s sexuality varies. Some find themselves more easily aroused while others take longer or even lose interest in sexual encounters.
No matter your reason for exploring sexual intimacy, whether it is difficulty initiating contact or simply curious to experience its sensations for the first time, there are some simple steps you can take.
It’s OK to be spontaneous
Sexual spontaneity can be difficult to sustain over the long haul. It might come and go in spurts at first, particularly at the beginning of a relationship; but relying solely on spontaneous sex as your go-to method for getting turned on could spell disaster – not everyone enjoys spontaneous sex! Anticipating too much would only set yourself up for disappointment!
Planning some aspects of your sex should be planned out and goals established, but leave the rest open-ended and spontaneous. While dropping hints might help, don’t make specific demands about how you’d like to spend your time together – such as: „Let’s try oral sex!” Instead, inform them that you would like to explore something other than this and offer up some suggestions as to what else may interest them.
Some options to explore may include makeout sessions, oral sex or handjobs. It is also wise to discuss what both partners consider sexual behavior – including how much French kissing and fingering counts as sexual act! – so as to avoid surprises. Many don’t realize French kissing counts as sexual contact!
One of the key mistakes couples can make when it comes to intimacy is treating different forms of intimacy as „bases,” with each type acting as an interim step before hitting homer run. This puts too much strain on your sex drive and prevents you from realizing what your true desires in bed may be – for instance if oral sex is something both partners enjoy, why move onto another kind just because there’s no immediate orgasmic response?
It’s OK to have boundaries
Relationships benefit greatly from having healthy boundaries. They help us distinguish our own emotional and physical needs from those of others, decreasing the chance for unhealthy enmeshments and taking steps to correct issues when needed. Boundaries also allow us to detect when others take advantage of us and take measures necessary to rectify it quickly.
Though boundaries can be uncomfortable to discuss and think about, their benefits cannot be overstated. To begin exploring your personal boundaries, ask yourself these simple questions to find your starting point.
As an example, if you don’t feel safe engaging in threesome or group sex, that can be seen as a legitimate boundary. Or you could think about which sexual activities (masturbation, oral sex etc) that you do not feel safe engaging in; then discuss them with your partner(s). Communicating these boundaries effectively with them will reduce conflict in the long run while making sure they’re respected by both partners involved.
One effective way of setting personal boundaries is writing them down. No need to share with anyone, but writing down your boundaries makes it easier when necessary to articulate them clearly and consistently in conversation. Furthermore, having these written guidelines may guide future interactions more smoothly.
Physical boundaries refer to your feelings about your body, personal space and what’s acceptable when it comes to touching or hugging. They also cover how comfortable you are navigating consent around sexuality – an increasingly critical topic today. If you need assistance defining or communicating sexual boundaries, the Rape, Abuse & Intimate Partner Violence National Network provides resources and supports individuals and families dealing with sexual assault & abuse.
Intellectual boundaries encompass your thoughts, beliefs, ideas and how you feel about certain topics such as politics or religion. Additionally, they include how you treat people and which type of relationships you seek out – you’ll know your boundaries are healthy when you can empathize without taking on someone else’s emotions or problems as your own.
It’s OK to be honest
If your partner likes things in bed that you find uncomfortable or disagreeable, or is doing things you don’t enjoy at all, it’s essential that both parties communicate about it openly. While discussing issues may make us nervous or awkward at times, only then can we be certain if our sexual needs align.
No two people are the same; everyone has unique kinks and fetishes to enjoy. While this shouldn’t be seen as negative, it can be enjoyable discovering something that interests your partner that you hadn’t considered previously – just make sure that when discussing these matters they understand where your boundaries lie.
One key thing to keep in mind when considering healthy sex is that our preferences in the bedroom change depending on our experiences, new relationships and personal growth. So long as it feels safe and feels right for both parties involved then experimenting is acceptable and your partner will appreciate knowing you are being upfront with them and being honest – both will benefit greatly as it prevents future miscommunication and misinterpretations in bed! Radical honesty is what truly defines healthy sex – thus contributing to making healthy sex so special! Check out Kool G Rap & DJ Polo’s „Talk Like Sex” by Kool G Rap & DJ Polo for some great insights on healthy sex practices from around the globe